Saturday, September 27, 2008

Oh My Heavens!

Good Evening,

I am so disturbed to report that Miss Mollee and Mr Rudy have destroyed the lovely stuffed toys Miss Jacque and Mr Bob so thoughtfully gave to us all today. Mr Rudy was given the sweetest little giraffe. He made short work of it, though. I stood next to him and watched, in horror, as he quickly gnawed off it's ears, chewed through it's head, and unceremoniously pulled all it's insides out! I was shocked. I have never seen something destroyed so expediently!


And then, to my utter dismay, Miss Mollee did the same thing to the little black and white puppy she was given! When I saw her beginning to 'mother' it, I was warmed by her sweetness and thought she would love on and treasure it. But only a few short hours later I looked over to see her pulling it's insides out!


I am attempting to protect the little purple cow Miss Jacque gave me. I was so happy to get a toy all for myself! It has been a long time since I had something of my very own. I am now sitting on the back of the sofa, next to Mr Bob, trying to safeguard my little purple cow (whom I have named Betsy) from the rotten behavior of these other two savages. My heavens!


Please send your best wishes to Betsy and my vigil ... I will need the support, I fear.

Have a good evening everyone,
Ivy.

Another Interloper es Banished

I, myself, am prouldy to reported dat yet another stuffy interloper has been banished from de casa! Et is beyond myself why Senior Roberto insists to bring stuffy interlopers into de casa. De stuffy interlopers cause destruction and chaotic behaviors amongst de pack. De must be destroyed. As you can see from the small remaining stuffy here, I, myself, have successfully destroyed de stuffy dat was presented to myself. Another important mission accomplished by myself.
Adios

Hey! Guess what??!! ....

... like today ... it was the little boy's birthday ... and like, Big Daddy and Mommie left the house with him ... and like, when they all came home they had all these nifty plastic bags that were all loud and noisy ... and guess what??!! ... inside one of them was a new toy for me!! ... oh, I was so happy to get a new BABY! ... oh it was so pretty ... it was a little puppy baby all for me to love all by myself ... 'cause, like, Big Daddy gave Ivan and the Rat new toys of their own ... so they wouldn't want mine ... I guess ... anyway ... so, like I was loving on my puppy baby and licking him and talking to him and stuff ... and I took him to the bedroom to see Big Daddy's pillow but, like, puppy baby didn't care about that ... so, like, I took puppy baby to see the little boy's pillow ... but, like, he didn't care about that either ... and like, I was getting tired of taking puppy baby to all the pillows so I, like, laid down for a nap and set puppy baby next to me ... and then, guess what?! ... when I woke up puppy baby was still there! ... and I was so happy and everything ... so like I started licking him ... and like it was so cool because he tasted so good ... and like ... well .... one nibble led to another ... and before I knew it ... umm ... like .... I chewed up puppy baby's butt and pulled out all his insides .... I hate it when I do that .... oh well .... maybe Big Daddy will bring me a new puppy baby soon!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

So Exciting!


Good Evening Everyone,

I would like to report that I have settled into this new home quite well and feel so loved and welcomed. I am now, dare I say, part of the pack. Everyday we seem to have some new adventure. Mr. Rudy and Miss. Mollee are entertaining to watch. They are still having some difficulty learning how to play with me. But we are all living together nicely. Sometimes Mr. Rudy declares that he is in charge and that Miss. Mollee and I must follow his orders. This usually happens when Mr. Bob or Miss. Jacque are not at home. I try to be polite and part of the pack but sometimes what he wants doesn’t make much sense to me.

For example, last night Miss. Jacque was allowing us a chance to try out her new treadmill. I have sat in her lap many evenings and enjoyed watching the doggie show with her where the man teaches humans how to take better care of their dogs. I have seen the man help dogs walk on treadmills and it always seems to have a positive result. So when Miss. Jacque got a treadmill, I really hoped we would get a chance to try it out.

That evening Miss. Jacque put on Miss. Mollee’s harness and helped her learn how to walk on the treadmill. Poor Miss. Molle was scared at first. But she soon got the hang of it. I stood nearby and shouted my enthusiastic support in hopes to bolster her courage and support her efforts. I think she did quite a good job. I think she may have done a better job if Mr. Rudy had not been in such a panic that Miss. Jacque was going to put him on the treadmill too.

Then it was my turn and I was so very happy to give it a try. Once Miss. Jacque placed me on the treadmill I quickly realized why Miss. Mollee had so much trouble keeping her balance. Walking forward on the rolling mat was quite a challenge. And it tired me out. I found it so much easier to walk forward and then ride backward until I was close to falling off the back end and would walk forward again. Doing it like that was much more lady-like and pleasant.

We all had to listen to Mr. Rudy loudly declare that under no circumstances would he put up with that kind of treatment. I do not know why he was in such a panic other than it would have required some effort on his part to participate. In any event, Miss. Mollee and I had a great time and are looking forward to our next opportunity to walk on Miss. Jacque’s treadmill.

Have a great evening everyone!

Super Fun!

Hey! Guess what????

... like I’ve been watching Mommie walk on her machine for a few days now and ... like ... although I don’t know what she’s doing I think it’s totally awesome ... cause, like, she’s walking fast inside the house and ... like, that’s just too way fun ... so like ... when she put the ropes on me I thought we were going outside ... and I was like, “but it’s raining out there, Mommie” ... and she was like, “but we’re not going outside” ... so it was cool to see what she was gonna do ... so she put the ropes on me ... and then ... this is so awesome ... she put me on the walking machine too! ... and guess what??!! ... it was going forward, and all ... and like, I was walking forward with it and stuff ... but I was like ... scared, you know? ... ‘cause I haven’t walked on a machine before ... and like ... it was a little loud and like ... well ... it took me a few minutes to figure out how to walk on it ... but guess what??!! ... I did! ... and I walked and walked and walked ... oh yeah, and like ... little Ivan was so excited to play this new game ... and like, she was cheering me on and stuff .... but like, that rat was hiding behind the couches wailing, “Oh God Help Us All!” ... and Ivan was trying to tell him it would be ok ... but, like ... he’s so stupid ... oh ... and guess what??!! ... I must have done a good job because Mommie let me get off the machine ... and like, the rat ... he stuck his head out from behind the couch ... and he was like, “Are you dead yet?” ... and I was like, “No you dummy, that was fun!” ... and he was like, “oh please beg for God to spare me from this new labor!” ... and I was like, “Whatever, you moron” ... and then I turned around ... and guess what??!! ... Mommie put Ivan on the walking machine ... and Ivan was so cool! ... she ran to the front of the machine and then sat down and, like, rode back ... I wish I had thought of that ... whatever ... and then when Ivan was done ... like, Mommie gave us cookies and all ... and they were really good ... and then I jumped onto the couch ... and like ... the next thing I kenw it was late and Mommie was carrying me to bed ... like, I was so way tired!

Slave Labors


Et is my duty to report abuses at de casa when I, myself, think dat an abuse es happening. I, myself, take dis duty seriously. I, myself, also thinks safety for de other putas is of some importance too. Et is for these facts dat I, myself, must report dat Senora Mommie is forcing us to perform slave labors. Dis is a serious happening dat demands de attention of someone who can influence Senora Mommie so she won’t do dis to me ... ummm ... oh, and for certainly to de other putas also.

At a point last night after she forced de little boy to eat at de table, even though I continue to tell them he needs to be eating in de garage, Senora Mommie spent time moving forward to nowhere on her walking machine. Dis machine makes many beeping and mechanical noises dat are mysterious to me. I, myself, do not understand why dis walking machine is needed in de casa. I have been suspicious of et from de beginning and have done my best work to protect de putas from et’s mysterious mechanizations.

I, myself, did not become concerned until I, myself, saw Senora Mommie affix de torture devices to my beloved puta and place her upon de walking machine. I, myself, was terrified to see dat Senora Mommie was forcing de puta to walk forward to nowhere on de walking machine! My poor, poor beloved puta! Her gloriously long legs were struggling to keep up with de revolving platform and I, myself, could plainly hear her cries of fear and dismay. I, myself, spoke loudly to Senora Mommie, demanding dat she remove my beloved puta from dis device and dat she stop her evil forcing upon my beloved puta to walk forward to nowhere.

I, myself, see no purposes to dis activity. I, myself, was so relieved when Senora Mommie allowed de puta to jump off de walking machine. I, myself, was proud of my beloved puta dat she was able to withstand dis new attempt of torture without becoming dead. Although I, myself, offered to nurse her injuries for her, she, herself, modestly declined my assistance.

Imagine my shockedness to witness Senora Mommie placing de Little Green Vine upon de walking machine, too! De Little Green Vine was playfully barking at Senora Mommie and her evil accomplice, de little boy. De poor Little Green Vine did not realize she was being slave labored into walking forward to nowhere for no purpose. Et was a sad sight for I, myself, to see. De Little Green Vine was walking forward fastly, then would sit down, and then would ride de revolving mat back to de end before jumping up and walking forward again. Et was a dangerous strategy to preserve her strength but et seemed to have successfully worked for her. Ignoring her own wounds, my beloved puta stationed herself at de back of the walking machine to watch over De Little Green Vine in case she fell off. My beloved puta spoke encouragement to De Little Green Vine and stayed by her side until de tortures were complete.

Thankfully, after de tortures of De Little Green Vine were complete, Senora Mommie turned her attention to de little boy and started giving him de growling orders to take himself to de water room and remove his scent. I, myself, lurked beneath de sleeping platform in order to implement my strategy of “Out of Line of Vision – Out of Danger” in order to avoid becoming victim of de walking machine and Senora Mommie’s new torture of slave labors! After many moments, I, myself went back into de big room and chanced a look at my beloved Puta and De Little Green Vine. They were both in deep sleep laying upon de couches. I, myself, checked to see dat de air was blowing from their noses and, when dat was determined, I, myself, positioned myself across de back of de couch to stand guard over them. I, myself, will attempt to defend them from any more of Senora Mommie’s torture!